Sob sob... my phone!!!

Is it sign of impending death? My handphone just now showed some zigzag rainbow like lines... and now some of the words are covered by the lines... cham... must be the phone old already... i can't imagine losing it! So sad. :(

你是我的眼

第一次听到这首歌是在2007年底花莲实习时去count down的时后。印象很深刻是因为那时是冬天，包得厚厚的连手套也戴上了还觉得很冷, 一听到了这首歌时顿时温暖了起来。 :) 还有因为当天演唱的都是一些台湾蛮知名但我们没听过的歌手，所以我也没expect什么。当有一首那么动听的旋律播出时，让我觉得好好听，立刻就好喜欢, 就留下了深刻的印象。台湾朋友也解释说这首歌当时在台湾很流行，像以前无印良品的歌般。 hehe.

而当我一个人到了台北，在五份埔逛时又听到了这首歌。当时因为是一个人，所以觉得这首歌带有寂寞的味道，好希望快快回到有认识的人的地方，不想在一个人在溜达了啦！

不过那只是当下听到这首歌的感受。一个人去走走自有一番不同的感受，会很享受一个人在陌生地方的自由自在，一个人的无拘无束，一个人的负责任, 一个人的享受与自己相处，去认识本来的自己。好难得。

还记得曾在从2006年Thailand回途中, 在飞机上望着窗外的蓝天对自己promise说 以后无论怎样都要有一个人背包旅行的勇气。

哈，哪天还真听我的话呢，让我实现了我的愿望。所以说，有梦想的人是很幸福的！ ：）


萧煌奇-你是我的眼

如果我能看得见
就能轻易的分辨白天黑夜
就能准确的在人群中牵住你的手
如果我能看得见
就能驾车带你到处遨游
就能惊喜的从背后给你一个拥抱
如果我能看得见
生命也许完全不同
可能我想要的我喜欢的我爱的都不一样
眼前的黑不是黑你说的白是什么白
人们说的天空蓝
是我记忆中那团白云背后的蓝天
我望向你的脸却只能看见一片虚无
是不是上帝在我眼前遮住了帘忘了掀开
你是我的眼带我领略四季的变换
你是我的眼带我穿越拥挤的人潮
你是我的眼带我阅读浩瀚的书海
因为你是我的眼让我看见这世界就在我眼前
就在我眼前

Cutting liver and lung

完全没有心理准备就一个人跑去停尸房，都不懂要怎样换衣袍，只知道要快快赶上已在里面开工了的两位好友。(因为这个医生一定要学生帮忙动手做才肯签名，所以我一定要赶在他们没做完之前进去插一手。 哈哈。) 换好衣服出去时又在停尸的地方兜来兜去找解剖房，脑海里想的是做戏常出现的认尸情节。那时还真佩服自己的勇气！

还好进到去时还没完。。他们在切着stomach and duodenum.

The patient had a perforated duodenal ulcer (1cm x 1cm) and he died of peritonitis with septicemia. The ulcer hole looks pretty benign to me. Apparently he had abdominal pain since yesterday morning and was seen and discharged in A&E Klang with some gastric medication. He could have been sent for an erect CXR which can possibly pick up the pencil-thin line of air under the diaphragm.

处理完重要的duodenum and stomach过后， 轮到liver了。他示范如何用一把长长比切pizza的刀还要长一倍的刀，从刀根切起，把肝切成一片一片，像切面包那样。我在旁一面看一面在心里面想＇我要切我要切！＇就觉得要下手才好玩嘛。第一刀实在不容易，要老师（医生啦）调整手势才切到。第二第三及接下来的就很好玩了。好好切。hehe. 过后他让我们去切lungs,kidney之类的，都是横切，要用sponge顶在上面稳定organ。

The doctor is not as nasty as I thought - in fact he has been very nice and showed us a lot of things, like the heart, how to look for evidence of tricuspid regurgiation, vegeations etc. Luckily he is a patient and forgiving and understanding man - as we forgot a lot of the important anatomy stuff! hehe.

回到房后立刻把身体洗得干干净净，to wash away all the formalin and bloody smell.. and some psychological smell and dirt also.. can't help it. Now I smell good and fresh. :))

I remember your face but not your name...

...because I'm a Right-brained person. ;-)

Just a quick test. Look at the dancer. Is it dancing from clock-wise or anti-clock wise? If clock-wise, *give me five*, we are the right brain person who uses more of our right brain. And the reverse.

*The website I took the picture from says most of the people see it anti-clockwise and you can try and focus to change the direction... I can't do it!!! I'm so right. hehe. ;-) I'm always right huh. hahaha. Gut feelings, imagination, appreciation, fantasy...

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS uses logic detail oriented facts rule words and language present and past math and science can comprehend knowing acknowledges order/pattern perception knows object name reality based forms strategies practical safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS uses feeling "big picture" oriented imagination rules symbols and images present and future philosophy & religion can "get it" (i.e. meaning) believes appreciates spatial perception knows object function fantasy based presents possibilities impetuous risk taking

Left and right brainees learn differently. Here's a good comparison. Give me a big picture prof! ;-)
http://www.mtsu.edu/%7Estudskl/hd/LRBrain.html

我也有!!

Hehe! Mine is a poultry shed. Later I can have chicken chop to eat when I chop off the chicken. hahaha!

Got it free from buying the Cadbury Zip chocolate bar. Honestly I don't like how the chocolate bar sticks to the wrapper because the bar is tightly packed so very hard to pull out the wrapper.. ended up messy... yucks!

And chocolates nowadays are giving me headache instead of sneezes... weird. Chocolates are forever not ngam with me. haiyo. I want to like you so much but you're giving me so much of trouble!!! Yet I like how you bring up my mood whenever I'm down.. It's like a love-hate relationship. ;-)

我不再ignore别人了啦!

很多时候都是自己体验过才懂得。被人iganore的感觉实在不好受。 :(

那天看到朋友的MSN liner 说 'Imitation is the best form of flattery'... 现在很想说 'disregard is the best form of belittling '! To be belittled is certainly not a nice feeling.

写意生活! :)

太爽了！！！ 我觉得我快被宠坏了啦!

好难得能过一些轻松没压力的日子. 实在无从挑剔! Besides doing some boring editing work for my group project, I have no other complaints whatsoever. 除了要出差的那几天， 我都可以睡到自然醒。 好幸福喔！每天就是看看书，看看戏，多数时间都上网找平时没时间理会的事情. 而最近的Internet connection都很听话, 挥之则来挥之则去!

还有就是有时间跟姐妹聊个痛快. 这些都是平时上课无法做到的奢侈享受. 好象平时很残那样。。。不过就是很忙啊平时，哪有这么多时间像现在来消磨。。。。真的要好好珍惜这段超级宇宙无敌天南地北难得的时光。

最近看着 ＇舞动全城＇， 又挑起了我的跳舞瘾。 我觉得香港剧, 比起一些有的没的的台湾偶像剧, 都很有主题，很有目的。 这套应该是拍来应奥运会吧。因为里面有提到说这次奥运会第一次有国际标准舞，还 further elaborate 说尽管如此奖牌不会被算进去排名之类的咨询。 这套戏我都是站着看，因为到他们跳舞时可以立刻跟着跳，又好玩又可以瘦身。哈哈！

Shop till I dropped!

Dropped? I dunno what has dropped but I definitely enjoyed my shopping today. Not that I bought the world (hehe) - I think I just bought just about what I needed and wanted at the same time! ;-)

It's hard to explain a girl's mentality towards shopping but I would rate this time of shopping as perfectly satisfying. Thanks JJ for accompanying me. She's an angel, never comment on my shopping. haha.

For the zillionth time I bought a pillow. Hopefully this time will work out for me. *fingers and toes crossed* ;-)

For the second time I 'joined' the crazy Body Shop sales. This time not as crazy as two years back where I was literally stuck in the human traffic jam inside the tiny Mid Valley's body shop shop. This time, less varieties I would admit. But I wasn't affected much - I'm just aiming to replace my long finished shower gel. I really missed them during the past few weeks. I felt like I'm not treating myself good enough. And yummy yummy... I just tried the satsuma shower foam just now - it's so heavenly fresh and smells like oranges just plucked from the trees (not that I smelled before) haha... :)

And for the first time, I shopped till the guard in front of Jusco prevented me from going in coz dia kata 'kita dah nak tutup'. funny har... 3 minutes to 11pm only ma...

PS: I have decided against posting any photos of my 战利品.. I don't want turn you into green eye monster. hehe... 我要瘦身!!!

I feel so disturbed...

<<<*nudge* Ruby dog, listen up!

Stop running away from the house without permission (not that we'll give you permission anyway)... or else you might end up like the stray dogs caught by DBKL.

I'm ever so heartache and nearly cried for the dogs, which were killed in less than 3 seconds by the DBKL pest control team. I wasn't there, but I saw the video, which is enough to touch my heart.

And some of the dogs in the videos are very active and look so lovable. Even got one hush puppy like dog.

According to my group members who went to the kandang to see it with their own eyes, they inject a poision straight into the heart of the dog and in few seconds the dog drops dead. And other on-looking dogs will sing like choir for their own friend who is pretty much innocent.

(will upload video and photos later - stay tunned!)
Opps.. those videos are supposed to be private and confidential.

Yeah it definitely sounds inhumane, killing those innocent dog this way. But from the viewpoint of DBKL, with the number (yet to get the number) of stray dogs caught (due to public complaint), they can't keep on increasing the dogs kept in the kandang.

They select some of the better breeds and put them in the PSCA to wait for people to come and adopt. I guess this is what we call forced 'natural selection' - 适者生存.

May all livings be well and happy... while they're alive! :)

Threading记

今天去 Brickfield temple 参与卫塞节庆典过后, 刚好走着印度街, 我的同伴建议去做 threading. It was scary at first because the beauty palore is located in 3rd floor inside a poorly-litted building.. And we don't know whether the beauty palore is trustable or not or we'll end up in a very yellow place like JJ says. haha..

痛死我了! 我以后再也不要去做threading了!! 而且我不会选, 随便叫她做 thin 的.. 真的很细啦! 有点吓到. 不过哪个印度 beautician 说一个月过后等长多一点我再回去, 她可以帮我做 thick的. hehe.. But actually thin one makes me brow looks darker and fuller coz my brow itself very sparse. And the advantage of threading is that it lasts longer - about 3 weeks. It's only RM5 anyway, cheaper than what I used to pay for in salon.

原本说要做埋upper lips的but因为太痛怕真的喊出来吓坏顾客所以临时跟她说不要了.. 好好笑! :))

The girl really has good skills. I can't make out how they manipulate the thread because the dexterity and coordination are so refined and seamless. All I knew was my eyes are filled with tears of pain..

Why become a doctor?

Even till this point, I'm still searching - searching for the answers that can tame my heart, which's always asking why - why take the trouble to go through all these late nights and endless mugging just to become a doctor?

And today on a hot afternoon, I went to google straight for 'why become a doctor' and this particular article really touched my heart.

Learning to become a doctor

A third-year medical student reflects on a life-changing emotional experience


Dreams and reality are often very different things. As a medical student I imagined myself one day taking on the role of a gallant knight, a protector and safekeeper of the sacred flame of life, creating miracles and wonderfully healing the sick. I wanted to make a difference and save lives. A road accident during the summer holidays gave me a chance to live my dream - but it was very different from what I had imagined. This piece reflects on my experience, and on how a brush with real medicine has changed me as a third-year medical student at Monash University.

The smashed machine was the first sight I encountered. A once fast, shiny road-bike now lay on the ground, a metal carcass. I remember running towards it, scared. Next to it a body lay still.

I had seen dead bodies before; cadavers allow us to release anatomical knowledge with the stroke of a blade; they are the ultimate learning tools. But what confronted me was no practical class - this was very real. I looked at the woman lying there. She was young, about my own age of 20, still with P-plates on her bike. It could have been one of my friends lying there. She was dressed up, perhaps coming home from a club somewhere, with makeup and nail polish delicately applied - real human qualities that gave a glimpse into a life that, only minutes earlier, was full. Draped over the top of a young human was viciously snapped; blood and vomitus overflowed from her throat onto her chest; her arm was destroyed. I knelt down beside her.

It was as if I was looking through her. I looked into her eyes but, quite simply, no one was there. Despite the horror of the scene, she looked almost peaceful. Was she just unconscious? Could there be a flicker of life still inside her? Was this my chance to save a life, to make a difference? What happened next was bizarre. I became machine-like, visualising a giant first-aid flowchart in my mind's eye, and began to apply my medical knowledge. Yet again the theory did not match the reality. My only previous attempt at resuscitation had been on a mannequin with a plastic torso and head. This woman had real lungs and a real heart. I turned her on her side and tried to unblock her airway; I had no gloves. Using a mouth-to-mouth protective device that I carry on my keyring, i tried to shield my hands as I attempted to scoop blood and vomitus out of her mouth. I then tried to give her air: "5 breaths in 10 seconds, and watch the chest rise", my training had taught me. But her chest did not rise. AT first I got angry and blamed it on the device I was using, but then I realised her entire airway was obstructed. I searched for a carotid and radial pulse but found neither - the beat of life had stopped. I tried cardiopulmonary resuscitation but she wasn't responding - it wasn't supposed to be like this. Yet I continued until I felt a gentle tap on my left shoulder. It was one of the ambulance officers - I had missed their dramatic arrival, hearing my own thoughts and deaf to everything else. Never before had my mind been so clear or sharp. My adrenalin level was so high that it took tactile stimulation to reawaken me to my surroundings - a feeling I still never forget.

Despite efforts by the ambulance officers, the girl was pronounced dead at the scene.

It was in the day that followed, spending time with my general practitioner, that I began to learn a little about what being a doctor really means. I came to him upset that someone had died, upset at how horrific it was, upset that I had failed, upset that I had done something that may have exposed me to to HIV, hepatitis B or hepatitis C infection, even upset that the damn thing was upsetting me! He sat and listened. Being able to speak to someone who had witnessed similar trauma was amazingly comforting. He told me that the three hardest things to cope with in medicine are death itself, the death of someone young, and the death of someone under your care. I had copped all three "right between the eyes", at a time when I hadn't the experience or the training to know how to respond or feel.

My GP had no magic pills or portions to rid me of the churning inside me. Nor did he need them - all I wanted was for him to understand what I was feeling. I was given an insight into what caring for someone really means. He reassured me that people don't expect doctors to be miracle workers - all a family really wants in this type of situation is for a doctor to "be there and to care". My GP suggested that I attend the funeral service if I felt comfortable doing so. He believed it would give me a sense of closure and that it would help me to be around others with similar feelings. I sat with him in his office after all his patients had gone home, looking through the newspapers for the funeral details.

I sat through the service and listened to the account of a life I knew nothing about. I looked around at the web of friends and family she had interwoven. I was now a part of that web - she had touched me too. At the conclusion I introduced myself to her father, and told him that his daughter did not die alone, that I was there caring for her. I told him that the last few days had taught me more about caring for people, and about being a doctor, than I had learned in all my days at medical school. I told him that I was there for him and his family. With that, the tall, lanky man hugged me tightly, crying and thanking me for being there, for stopping and bothering to care. It was devastatingly sad, yet enormously relieving, and I was proud. He wanted to care for me and to share his feelings with me, something I had not expected. The simple knowledge that their daughter did not die alone was comforting to the family. They knew that if there had been a chance for her, I was there to give her that chance.

I am starting to understand what being a doctor is about. To really care for someone connects people in such a wonderful way that it can even make death seem a little less scary. Sometimes just being there can make all the difference.

Ryan J Hodges
Third-year medical student
Monash University, Melbourne, VIC

Hodges, R. (2000). Learning to become a doctor, Medical Journal of Australia, 173: 158-159.

Zi Sian vs Zi Qian

The story began few weeks ago when I got this new contact in MSN named 'zi qian' that I thought was one of my old schoolmates named Zi Sian.

Yeah these are two different names but the blur me thought could it be Zi Xian wanted her online presence to be known as zi qian le... or somehow she mistyped it... and there I went chatting with this 'zi qian' like I were to my old friend 'zi xian' happily... making all those girlish comments and jokes!!!

And today, a 30 minute conversation came into a sudden turn...
....
zi qian: "but anyway my home is near um"
zi qian: "it's also near to me high school, CHS"
me (blurred... since when she moved to another school half way): "you went to amc before right?"
zi qian: "what is amc?"
me (omg!): "har? sorry to ask but how do I know you ah?"
....

No wonder la... all this while I was thinking... how come the zi xian I knew changed to like a very factual person, a very 'male' energy I sensed.. and deep down in my heart I actually thought she has changed, somehow due to her job or whatever it is.

The zi sian I knew was pretty much a soft-spoken girl but with a very determined heart, just like many other girls from all-girl school that I knew. hehe. And she shares a very special bond with me because we were born on the same day! :)

At this point of time, I actually wonder what the real zi sian is doing.. how she's doing and whether she'll laugh at this funny incident. hehe.

Better than Secret Recipe...;-)

I do like Secret Recipe.. once in a while will crave for Secret Recipe's sinful cheese cake and super creamy Tiramisu cake. However, for now, I'm contented with my own super healthy carrot cake, loaded with fibre and crunchy cashew nuts. Love love love! This used to be my unique cure for constipation. haha. But now lesser effect.

I think I'll miss this and all the good food when I go back to UM tomorrow. C'est la vie! :)

Big Breakfast!

This is certainly better than McDonald's Big Breakfast isn't it. ;-) Very very full and tantalizing.

The 30 Hour Famine is back! "饥饿30"

Held by World Vision , the yearly event will be on 23rd and 24th August this year.

I'm so proud when I know 光良 is one of the ambassadors , one because he's my idol, and another reason is he's also in line with what I have been supporting so far.

He's also going to join the Laos ambassador trip.

When asked whether he'll feel sad for the poor children there, he answered so intelligently, as usual. ;-)

“我覺得他們雖然生長在貧困的環境，可是可以從他們眼睛看見他們流露的真誠和愛，雖然貧窮，不過他們也許比我還開心。”光良笑言，他不會專注於他們為甚麼跟我們的生活不一樣。“說不定我覺得自己更悲慘過他們，自己的生活怎會跟我們不一樣？”

The Michael's International Fans club even planned to adopt children as a group effort to support 光良's role as an ambassador. However, this is not their first time. About 5 years back they adopted one on 光良's name in conjunction with his birthday then. Now, this is what I call positive influence. :) Way to go guys! I really love this feeling.

PS: Those interested to know more about the 30 hour famine can check out http://blog.worldvision.com.my/

Digging back memories

Our brain does need time to reactivate some of the skills that are abandoned for some time. Was trying to cook up some fried noodle like what I used to love when I was living outside of hostel.

I actually stood there and went through the steps first before heating the pan.. haha...

Paying for sample...

"How come no seal one?" My kid sister asked in the car while she was trying to open the cap of her newly bought HL strawberry milk.. I looked at the tube for a while and then laughed out loud... at the 'sample Jusco' sticker on the tube.

But I did saw her taking it from among the many tubes of milk.. So deceiving... put a sample among their products. And the cashier didn't notice either. So we ended up paying for a less-than-full milk!

See, my sister posing with a shoe-cup of Mexican Iced Coffee.. :)

Eat like a king...

The best thing about being at home is to escape from the 'jail-meal' in the college. I get to decide what I want to eat. I get to cook and design my food so that it looks palatable and is nice to my liking.

At home, I eat like a king. While in college I eat like a jail person only. I really don't understand how they can cook the vegetables until they're
literally life-less and died!! Haih...

See, my breakfast is so alive and well! :)

Hmm.. yummy yummy! Now I really feel like I'm treating my stomach right. ha.

Dance like nobody is watching...

I just love this quote...

Dance like nobody's watching;
love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening;
live like it's heaven on earth.

Things are beautiful and moving when they come from your heart.

PS: And I shall blog like nobody is reading. ;-)

I can't resist them...

I'm a sucker for everything beautiful...was browsing the net for fun and saw these beautiful templates. I knew I just had to use them!! And hence the thought of starting a new blog. :) To record and share everything beautiful in life. May all of us be well and happy always!